SIF Covid-19 Care Correspondence
/Week 14/June 14, 2020
Greetings Shift Into Fifth Community,
Week 14 of some kind of shelter in place for most of us....and I'm continuing to think about YOU.
Quick Update-After 3 plus months in the glorious Sonoran Desert, I am transitioning back to the East Coast. The timing is right to get my stepmom back safely to her home. After getting her settled, I will make my way back to Boston via Manhattan soon. Lots of change to say the least. As always, there are no shortage of lessons learned/take-aways from this process of ending something and embarking on the next phase of my journey. I look forward to reflecting and continuing to share/learn/grow with you. During this transition, please understand that delivery of these Covid-19 Care Correspondence emails will be more spread out.
Two Viruses - Covid-19. Racism.
Another intense and transformative week throughout the US as well as around the world. Two viruses plaquing us simultaneously. Covid-19 and Racism. One so new. The other, centuries old. Both Big. Complex. Challenging.
Perfection/Inaction
"Perfection is the destroyer of my creativity. It's like a wheat field that's been laid bare." So wrote one of my children in a reflective essay assigned in mid-high school. I heard those words during a parent/teacher conference, and they stopped me cold. Jolted. It explained so much. Why, at various times, when asked questions or requested to do a task, he would seem frozen. One word answers. No action. A shut down. Retreat. I had interpreted it as Stubbornness. Belligerence. Rebellion. And at times, perhaps it was. But it was something so much more. Now it was so clear. Living in fear of making a mistake, not getting it "perfect", he wouldn't, couldn't even try.
I've thought a whole lot about that essay these past few weeks. Since the tragic murder of George Floyd (and Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Rayshard Brooks and so many other unarmed blacks and people of color) sparked a much needed national and international reckoning on issues of systemic racism, prejudice and privilege, I have felt and heard over and over again from others about the fear of "getting it wrong", "saying the wrong thing", "not knowing where to start". In some way or another, a gripping sense of fear that if I don't get it right, respond "perfectly", I will somehow make it worse. And the result. Inflicting more pain. So I'll play it safe. Stay quiet. Do nothing.
But let me invite you to look at this in a different way. To reframe it. See the invitation. Opportunity. The What If. Remember. Change the thought. Shift the energy. Take the action. Change the result. These times call for each of us to bring our multidimensional, multitalented, whole and best selves to the fore. We are tasked to problem solve like we have never done before. Yes. This is hard. But remember, we are built to do hard things. Not easy. But nothing truly worthwhile is easy. As Teddy Roosevelt reminds us in one of my favorite quotes from 1910, a meaningful life is to be lived "inside the arena". No problem has ever been solved by staying on the sidelines. Playing it safe. Taking no action.
You may be thinking, love the sentiment but HOW do I get past the fear of not doing it Perfectly. As I wrote in last week's Covid-19 Care Correspondence, I want to share resources that I think will help develop and strengthen essential skills required to effectively and constructively move us through this unprecedented time. Active Listening. Deep Learning. Cultivating Compassion (for others AND ourselves). Navigating Challenging Conversations. Processing Anger, Fear, Pain and Confusion. Cultivating Empathy. Staying Present. Patient. Productively Handling Intense Discomfort. And yes, overcoming a perceived need for Perfection.
In that spirit, this week I am highlighting world renowned teacher and author of multiple books/articles on meditation/mindfulness Tara Brach's 4 step process called R.A.I.N. (Recognize, Allow, Investigate and Nurture). It's a powerful and exquisitely simple tool that helps cultivate the inner muscle to withstand and transform uncomfortable emotions (pain/fear/shame) into potent energy of transformation, action and growth:
1. Tara Brach/Step By Step Understanding and step by step application of the mindful process to dealing with and learning from challenging and uncomfortable emotions - https://www.tarabrach.com/meditating-with-rain/
2. Tara Brach/Applying the process of R.A.I.N in these challenging times (talk and guided meditation) - https://www.tarabrach.com/category/rain/
Change
Remember, change is the one constant. Pandemic. Racism. Whatever. Every second, we are changing. It's the one thing that's a sure bet. How we handle change is at the core of how we move through life. My coaching practice is dedicated to supporting and accelerating positive and purposeful change. And with that, shifting, harnessing and optimizing energy. While there is no one size fits all on HOW to change, or what change will ultimately look like, there are definitely some tried and true tools that help each of us effectuate and move through change positively, productively and position us for sustainable and rewarding success. These include cultivating gratitude, tolerating and dealing productively with discomfort, staying curious, identifying and incorporating lessons learned, staying present, reframing, breathing/pausing (responding vs. reacting), maintaining healthy boundaries, practicing self compassion/non-judgment and engaging in a mindfulness/meditation practice,
Developing and sustaining the muscles that support positive and productive action, change and energy is the work that we continue to do together in the Shift Into Fifth community. So many of you have started and continue to do the hard work to cultivate and develop the inner tools to stay calm, centered and shift/utilize energy in productive and powerful ways. In other words, you are ready to meet the moment!!!
Self Care
And yes. Self care is ESSENTIAL. Please, stay extra vigilant about your own self-care - hydration, nutrition, sleep, exercise/movement, meditation/mindfulness/deep breathing, practicing self-compassion/kindness/gratitude, laughing/smiling, staying super curious (each day asking who are my teachers today/noting lessons learned-today's takeaways), limiting social media/tv/print exposure, actively choosing/ingesting those thoughts/stories/information that support your optimal self etc. Remember, this is a marathon...not a sprint!
Additional Resources
All the weekly SIF Community Covid-19 Care Correspondence are on my blog (www.shiftintofifth.com) with an additional (growing) list of resources for all of you to use and to share with others. PLEASE SHARE! Thanks to many of you, our SIF Community is growing and so is the list of resources-Grateful!
Please, share any part of these weekly Covid-19 Care Correspondence emails with your networks. A picture, a cartoon, a story, a podcast, whatever. All meant to support and strengthen one another.
And I want to remind you that I am here for YOU-to support you in any way that I can. If that means a quick call for you to rant/vent or simply to get a pep talk for you and/or members of your circles, I am here. Creating more anabolic energy for accelerated positive and purposeful change in the world is at the very core of my mission. Supporting YOU is key to that mission.
Please. Stay strong. Be Safe. Stay Healthy. Be kind.
With Gratitude and Purpose,
Valerie
PS. Humor. Yes. Even now. It's an essential tool for self care that shifts and maintains positive/anabolic energy. Thus, I'm sharing a few new pandemic inspired cartoons/memes. And I'm also sharing an inspiring NY Times feature piece (3rd story) about Laughter On Call (LOC), an organization that connects laughter to an unlikely target, Alzheimer's patients and caregivers. Founded by my friend Dani Klein, an LA-based actress, comedian and entrepreneur, who watched her own mother grapple with the insidious and devastating effects of Alzheimers, LOC is a moving example of using the power of laughter to lift spirits, shift energy and transform lives.
PPS. And here's this week's moments pf zen brought to you by the desert's late spring magic show. The power, grandeur and majesty of it all continues to take my breath away. Enjoy!
PPPS. BONUS-If you're like me, you are craving stories of inspiration and reminders of possibilities and hope. This week I came across this Commencement Speech delivered to the graduates of VCU da Vinci Center by BK Fulton, Founding Chairman, CEO of Soulidify Productions. PLEASE WATCH THIS! It's 16 minutes that I strongly believe will provide both. And then, please, SHARE THIS WITH OTHERS. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giimCcWsFWU
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